[19] Like A Tree

[Old pic, but I do love it.]
[My arms look big though]

I feel so hollow right now,

it's amazing.

I split this

vegan lunch thing with my friend.

I think she may be as crazy about

restricting as I am.

I B/Ped very slightly when I got home,

twice,

but nothing as drastic as my usual.

Baby steps,

right?

Some day,

I'm going to stop this B/P shit.

Some day I'm going to eat so little,

and be normal,

not constantly thinking about food.

Better than normal.

Those are my goals.

Oh, and I keep forgetting to mention,
I burned 600 calories
the other day.
I was so proud!
I kept pushing and pushing myself
to burn more,
go longer.
I stayed on until my friends wanted to leave.
I want to start trying to burn that much
in the morning and at night.
I be be in the negative if I did that,
which would be so awesome.

P.S. - Shout out to skinnybusiness

for all the awesome comments, support, and advice.
Thank you. :]

[15] Slacking

Ok...  I hate when I don't post

daily because it feels like info builds up...

Just to close up my last post, 

I did end up B/Ping.

W/e, made sure I got it all out,

so at least it wasn't like

a wasted effort or some shit.

I screwed up two nights ago, too,

on a pretty good day

by taking my friend to dunkin donuts

and having a large coffee [150]

and a multigrain bagel [380]

with light veggie cream cheese [120].

I wish I would have known that calorie count...

God, one coffee should be a meal!

A bagel should be 4.

Ugh...

Anyway, I kept it down,

which is good because I seriously have to stop B/Ping.

I mean, I did it at work again,

but I tried purging a donut that I ate a work

with nothing but that donut and water in me...

Didn't work out,

and I kinda choked a bit.

So I drank some coffee,

figuring the warmth would help break up the donut 

clump in my stomach.

It did, but I'm sure I didn't get it all out.

Ugh, I have to get back on track here.

Posting on here helps me keep track

of my calories and everything.

Thus far,

Coffee [40]

4 egg whites [64] with

onion [10] 

and broccoli [25].

Breakfast total = 139

No cream cheese,

no 100%WW English Muffin.

I'm thinking just eggs jam-packed 

with veggies from now on.

Let's see how today goes then.

And I think I'm going to change 

my blog name,

seeing as Ana and I can't seem to be close

with Mia popping up every five fucking seconds.

And god damn it I still need a scale!

I think I'm gaining weight in muscle

from going to the gym...

idk whether I'm happy with that or not yet...

[13] Good Day?

*Yesterday's Thought*
I'm getting ahead of myself,

but I'm feeling pretty good today.

Pretty strong.

*Yesterday's* Intake :

 4 Egg Whites = 64

1/2 scooped 100% Whole Wheat Muffin = 35

1/4 a serving of cream cheese = 17.5

15 Grapes = 30

10 blueberries = 7.5

1/2 scooped 100% Whole Wheat Muffin = 35

1/4 serving of PB = 47.5

1 cracker light PB spread = 10
1/2 Veggie Delight Sub = 230

Total Intake = 476.5


*Today*
Wow, 200 calories less
than what I started with
when I first started blogging on here.
That's encouraging.
Oh, and I went to the gym.
My legs were shaking
and felt like rubber when we left.
I don't feel it yet, 
but I know I will soon.


Damn, I should have skipped on that sub,
but this WHOLE fiasco happened.
I was super hungry,
so I was bugging Wally to go to subway
he wanted to smoke,
but I told him I was getting light headed
so we went.
Then, the entire time, 
he kept complaining
and complaining.
And my appetite went 
right out the damn window!


Then, of course, he started getting pissed at me,
and pissed that I wasn't eating...
So I had to.
I didn't want to.
Took forever!
I just wanted to spit every piece out.


A lot of stress has been
removed from my life,
but seems to have been replaced by another...
I'm getting even harder on myself
because I feel so unwanted.
I can see how fat and squishy my butt is,
I can see the fat under my butt.
I can see the rolls on my tummy when I sit.
I hate it...  All of it...

Even my arms, 
which didn't bug me before
look like flabby grossness...


I wish there was a smoothie shop around here...
I think I'm going to stop by the
fitness shop and look for a good 
additive that burns fat
and start making my own smoothies with it.


Fuck...  I don't want to work today!
Next two days off though.
Apartment hunting!
That's what I need to do,
and go to the gym in the morning.
I need to start doing that.
Kicks up my metabolism for the rest of the day.
Ugh...  Anyone reading,
tell me to get my shit together,
give me some advice how to do so or something!
Thanks :]