[24] So Good, I'm Too Good

I've gotten to the point 

where even if I'm hungry

I can't even bring myself to eat.

Lost another 3/5 of a pound.

I'm at 109,

but that was weighed before 

I even went to the bathroom.

I ate next to nothing yesterday.

This morning,

I went to Kelsie's before

we were going to the gym.

Her dad made us breakfast,

only he made regular eggs...

not egg whites...

THREE OF THEM.

I couldn't say anything...

I could only finish two through [144],

and thank god Kelsie didn't press...

She knows how I am.

For the rest of the day, 

all I had was coffee [85]

and I just wasn't hungry...

Even made myself a salad

and brought a boca burger 

to add to it,

and I just wasn't hungry at all.

And since I'm going to the gym

again now with my sister

I'm eating something at least.

A slice of whole wheat toast [50]

with red pepper [15], 

onion [5],

 tomatoes [5],

portabella [20],

and the provolone I couldn't pick off... [60].

Working on some coffee too,

but I think I'm only gonna

make it through half of it [40].

Total today = 424

That number pisses me off so much,

but I can't pass out and get into trouble.

Ugh...  

*     *     *


K, so gym.
As soon as I got their,
I was in a battlefield of conflict.
Whilst I was searching for parking,
I saw Wally's car.
He was there too...
Thank god the cardio area was upstairs,
but all I wanted to do was see him,
talk to him.  
Just a "Hello, I miss you so much
please come back to me..."


I didn't see him though,
and his car was gone when I left...
And then I fell apart in the car.
I miss him so much...
I made my sister cry too.
That's what always happens with us.
She hugged me and kissed my head,
comforted by my 13 year old sister...
Wow, makes me laugh.


I'm going to see Kelsie 
before she gets off of work.
She got some of the money
Wally still owed me.


And I told her.
And I'll talk to her.
And I'll probably cry again.
Probably feel like my heart 
is going to explode from within my chest.
Choke.  Forget how to breathe.
It'll hurt, but I'll make it.
I miss him so much...
But this is the way it is,
and I've got to get with it.
I won't be miserable forever...
I just won't.


On a lighter, 
more controlled note.
I burned 475.5 calories.
That puts me at -51.5 calories.
Decent, but I could do better.