He stayed because
he didn't want to see me cry.
He stayed because he cares about me.
But he doesn't love me.
He doesn't feel the same anymore.
He told me how he felt,
so I returned the favor :
"I feel like a worthless piece of shit."
"Why?"
"I'm nothing to no one.
No one loves me.
I don't even love me."
That's emo,
but it true.
And the 'whole' me
says I'm fucking pathetic.
The 'real' me
says to grow the fuck up.
No one in this world
means anything
to anyone
except
themselves.
But the 'Ana' me,
the girl trying to disappear
won't hear it.
Hearing that would derail everything.
Making sense would mean moving on.
Living.
I'm going to sit and rot for a while.
Why?
Why now?
Because with this one last straw,
my now skeletal back
has broken.
Because life has whittled me
down to this pathetic piece of shit.
And because despite me knowing all this,
despite me knowing that only you
can truly destroy yourself,
or bring yourself down,
I just don't care anymore.
My life is going on mute
for now.
And I don't know if I'll
ever want to hear the calamity again.
Oh, and these veins
will scream their sorrow tonight.
Hunny dump fucking ana. Live, you can starve and live. A little light headedly at times but it's still better than living with depression. Get a fucking cat. That cat will love you to death. And maybe it's just me, maybe I am just easly amused, but seriously I'm starving and I'm still happy. So yes, grow up.
ReplyDeletelol, I have a cat.
ReplyDeleteI want to get a dog lol.
Yep, I'll get over this.
It's just a new fresh gory wound
that I have to whine about for a bit.
I'll live.
I've gotten through worse.